Sunday, January 9, 2011

Not much going on. Hasn't really been a good weekend to be honest. I hung out with Evanny on Thursday. Took her home and then Daric asked her out. She of course said yea. On Friday I slet over at her place. Which was fun. We just hung out and had girl time. She texted Daric the whole time so that was a little annoying. Saturday we went to the mall and came back to chill at my place. There really wasn't much to do so we went in my brothers room. His girlfriend Sami came over too. So it was the two couples and then me. It. Sucked. I hated it. I felt so alone and left out. I was a third wheel 2x. Sami wants to set me up with these two guys but I'm just not interested. I mean don't get me wrong I want a boyfriend. But I think i already found the person that I want to be with. He's just not here and can't be. It's complicated. I don't mean to be a downer about it but it just really hurts for some reason. Makes me wish more and more that I had my guy. When I think about it though, am I being selfish? I thought to myself, do I just want him here so I can fit in with them? But that's not why at all. I want him. Even if everyone else was single. Heck, I'd rather go to where he lives.

Anyways as for today I got my room all cleaned up and put my coffee table back in. It's freshly tagged thanks to my brothers. I love it. It's unique. I wish my brother was nicer though. He literally makes me hate myself and it gets me really upset. To the point where I'm screaming. I don't want to yell and be snippy and my family but I just can't take it here. I desperately want to break away from my life but I can't. The guilt of leaving is too much for me. When I'm 18, I'll be gone and I seriously can't wait!

<3 Ally

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Welcome to the new year! Yay. Okay enough of all that. I knew a lot of people that are making goals for the new year. I'm usually one of those people. But for some reason...I just don't really feel like It. Of course I would love to be better in school, get out of the house more, loose weight. You know, typical teenage things. I figure making plans just creates dissapointment if they don't work out. If you have expectations, they can fall short. That all really sounds a little depressing. So cheers to all those in the world with goals and plans! More power to you :)

Evanny and I spent the weekend together. It was pretty fun. Two sleepovers at her place and then one back at mine. I was at her place for New Years. I thought it was a great way to start the year; being with a good friend, eating cheese fries. Well when she slept over at my house, her and my "brother" Daric starting riding the flirt train. So they like eachother and that's great and all but.... If they do date and break up I can potentially loose a great friend or brother. Or even both. I don't want that to happen but at the same time who am I to say no to young love? I'm just to going to let things fall where they may. 

As for myself well I'm doing okay. A lot of the time (especially at school) I just feel like I'm there. Not really doing anything. More like I'm watching a movie go on all around me. I'm surprisingly happier at home. School was once my escape but now, Its like prison. I'm not really sure why it's changed. Maybe because there is more drama with friends and the work is more difficult than I'm used to. Honestly, I think I'm just distracted. By what? No idea. Maybe it's just a phase. Who can tell really. 

The family is doing well. Were all getting a long most of the time. My brother has a girlfriend. She's a really great girl. I hope he doesn't screw it up. Lindsey is just as sassy as she always is. Mom is doing well. Money is tight and I know she stresses but for the most part, she is happy. 

Night. <3