Suck.

Well, today I have to say was pretty awful. Woke up to a nice long physics test. Lovely. Then on to my next class with a quiz over two chapters. Which I read last night (partiall). Then lunch. Supposedly the highlight og high school life but no, not so much here my dear friends. I unfortunatly had to sit in line to purchase a yearbook. A very long line. My "friends" well, they decided anything would be better than to keep my company. So I stood there. Alone wondering why I even call these so called people my friends. I take their abuses. I take their problems. I help them. I give them my shoulder to cry on. But what do I get in return? That would be a nicely wrappped present of absolutely nothing. Yay me. Gotta love having friends huh? I use to think that someone out there would be there for me. One day maybe I'd get to be happy and have a grand ol' bff. I've come pretty close don't get me wrong but that's the funny thing. Right when people come into your life, befriend you, let you tell them all yoour secrets and problems, they deciede that its the perfect time to leave. Seems all I am for anyone. Just someone to talk to until their real friends show up. I guess what does it really matter anyway right? Friends are for people with lives. People who are stereotyped as having no future. So I should be happy right? I help those around me. I'm going somewhere or so says my "plan". But I'm not. The only highlight of my weekend was the nice hot tub at my grandmas. Then it went back to what it is usually.me listening quietly. Trying not to have an outburst of frustration. Don't want to be labled crazy now do I? Course not. Even the one guy I thought was worth struggling for, I guess ended up really not caring either. Why should I be surprised though? I guess its more hurt than anything. Hurt thathe could say something and then only come back with "I'm sorry." Always sorry. Never really trying to help anyone. Can't blame him though. I'm not much and maybe I have just dragged on our relationship. Afterall, he's happy now. As far as I can tell. Doesn't need me anymore. So maybe it is time to save future arguments like these. I'll end up texting him first even though he basically said I bother him. And then what? I don't know... Its like were running a race with no finish line. Maybe that is punishment for being a hopless romantic. Always blinded by these doubts and suspicions swirling around in my head. I can't help it though. Because as far as I can see nothing justifies that I'm wrong. He's not out there missing me. He's not texting me. So maybe that is it then. Or maybe not. Like I said I don't know. Maybe its one of those late memos again is it so much to ask for love and happiness? Even at my age. I suppose it is too much...oh well I can just add it to the pile right?