Friday, May 27, 2011

So, it is the weekend finally. I didn't have school today for some reason and since Memorial Day is Monday I will be missing that day too. Then just four days of school. Not that any work will actually be done this last week. I'll be taking the SAT on Saturday after the last day of school. I am super nervous. I HAVE to do well on it or I won't be able go to the good schools I want.Bleh. We will see I suppose.

Anyways, yesterday I went over to Evanny's. We just chilled in the street and played basketball. I don't know why, but i really liked it. I loved being outside at night, just chilling with other people my age,besides the Little kids. I forgot about how much I hate being cooped inside with nothing to do. Then today we went back outside, played some horse which I failed at. Still fun though. Then we painted little girl's nails outside in the sun. I got to do my toes a sparkly orange! Then we went inside. A little bit after that I had to go home. It was nice though being away. Now I'm just watching t.v with my mom. We are watching The Backup Plan. Sometimes I picture myself having to go through having kids without a partner. I don't know why. But it ends happy with these two in the movie.

Summer is just a week away and I'm so happy. But at the same time I'm not. I hope that I have things to do, see my friends, have fun being a teenager while it lasts. It's one of my last summers here before I go off to college where ever that may be. College is scary on its own. I hope i keep some of my friends from here but i know that i probably wont which is sad. I'll have to make new friends all over again. Then there's the whole "time to settle down and have kids time" I know i shouldn't worry about that kind of thing because if it happens then it does. i don't want to be all alone though... hmm. it sucks not knowing. Though, i wouldn't ever want to know the future. I'm just full of contradictions! Its really annoying.

I feel bad because a lot of people have deep things to say on their blogs. Things to make you think. I don't really. Its hard to put thoughts on paper. it never really comes out the way you want it to. I have a lot of things on my mind. the ideas go around so fast in my head that i can only get so much out. its not even 8 yet and im tired. how lame? 17 year olds are supposed to be out all night having fun. not stuck inside wearing cow print pajamas getting sleepy at 9. Its pretty dissapointing how lame i am. at least i think it is. I should probably go though.

Monday, May 23, 2011


Yes. It is Monday today. Not just any Monday though. The last Monday of the school year! Yay! I am very happy that this is the last week of school work. Next week is just year book and checking out. All that boring stuff. Then just one more year of high school. ONE! I always hear people say how they're going to be soooo sad and cry and all that emotional stuff. I will probably out of sheer joy. High school is torture. Especailly when you live somewhere that is so judgemental to different people that it's rediculous.
However, life is a bit scary. One day i'll be out. Making my own decisons. Going to the store, paying bills, going to work, maybe have kids to worry about. I think that is one of the only sad things about leaving school. The fact that now it's time to actually grow up and be, a grown up. I don't even know HOW to be one. I guess if it was impossible though, then people wouldn't be doing it. I'm looking foward to providing for myself and buying my first house. It's going to be amazing! And of course my career. Gotta help and change the world for the better right? Right. Who knows what challenges will await me?

Anyways back to today. Didn't do much in school. Can't do much with only really 2 school days left. Hopefully will be having a sleep over at Evanny's with Cicily on Thursday since it will be a four day weekend. (right before school ending? yes i know right?) It should be fun. We always have fun at school. It's been such a long year. And yet it really doesn't even feel like it. I guess cause you stop remembering everything. Ive lost a few of my friends, but gained some really good ones. I try to feel regretful for losing the others but I can't. I couldnt really be myself with them. Even though Evanny and Cicily don't know everything about me or all my secrets, that's okay. I still don't feel like im hiding things from them. I hope this summer is a good one. Last year's was totally wasted. bleh. But I will not let this summer go to waste. Next summer I will preparing to go to college. Where ever that may be... Some where awesome for sure.
I really should go and work on my history final project. Its hard to though... but when it's done i'll feel better I suppose. It should come out really nice.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I have been pretty bad in keeping up with my blogging. But there are so many things going on its hard to just sit down and write. Especailly this week alone. We had a socket fire and the fire department came. Luckily nothing was damaged besides the socket and my moms wallet. Then I found out that on top of my final project I have to do another project for math on my future career. I haven't even started my history final project. I was planning on it this weekend but who knows. I might just go out of the year with an F in that class. I care and I don't care at the same time. I've tried harder this quater than any other one and so far its only gotten me to have the lowest GPA of them all. Bleh. Whatever. I have until tomorrow to register for the SAT with an additional late fee. Yay. I will only get to take it once and let's hope I get a good score cause if not, I'm totally screwed. Sigh. I don't want to think about it but I only have two weeksish to prepare. Seems like not just my life is falling apart. My mom is always having break downs and usually over nothing. I don't know. My life always seems to be messed up. It makes me laugh when people say that money can't buy happines. They have no idea how much happiness it would create in my family. And still everyday like apparently any other teen with depression, I put on my happy face and go to school, come home,do homework, and slowly feel myself rot on the inside.